It has been a long and hard couple of weeks … with some great fun in between. :-)

I continue to adjust to this journey of “leaving normal behind”. This may be the biggest dynamic of these difficult weeks … recognition of the daily (and many) internal struggles, “naming” them correctly, and finally, acting/thinking properly. It is an exhausting and slow process … one step forward often requires a few steps back.

I have spent much of the last two months trying to “rest” my mind from all the work we did during the leave of absence. However, this is frustrating because it seems so lazy! But it is so good too!

Oh, the complexities and tension of life.

Thankfully, I (occasionally) remember that I must extend grace to myself. This reality provokes a question that I have not been intentional about considering, “How does my inability to accept grace or mercy from others reflect my understanding of God’s grace for me?” My original answer was quick and certain regarding the sufficiency of Christ’s death and the grace it offers. However, I realize this question requires another level of exploration and a willingness to expose deep, ingrained beliefs that often belie our “head” knowledge.

In other news … last weekend was a momentous occasion for our family. Jason flew into the States for the first time in 18 months, our entire family gathered for Mamaw’s 80th birthday party, and Mom and Dad “saw” each other for the first time since the divorce (almost five years ago). I don’t have photos from the party but I decided to post a photo of Jason and Jared captured during Jared’s trip to Prague this Spring. Handsome men, hmmm?

It was a great day. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to spend more time in Ft. Smith with our family but the short time was so good. I miss living close to family. Times like last weekend remind me how far away I do live. I don’t think the entire “event” could have gone better … I was encouraged and thankful.

Jason drove with me back to Dallas and spent two days here before flying back to Prague. It was a short visit but I’m thankful for it. I hope to someday visit him in Europe!

The hardest part about the last week was being sick. Since last Friday (almost eight days) I have been frustrated with various forms of yuckiness. Tuesday through Thursday I could hardly function because of awful headaches (migraines?), neckache, and nausea. My eyes were VERY weird and I was literally incapable of working. It started to concern me, especially when Mom became worried after I slept 14 hours Wednesday night. Well … yesterday (Friday) morning I discovered the culprit of my “sickness”. I simply encourage you to make sure you are taking, and combining, the correct medications. Without going into details I was not …

However, I woke up today in great shape and thankful for a new day. I also hope that I will be more intentional about getting “back” to work on my “inner life” (spiritual, emotional, etc.) This is a lifelong process and nothing will stop it … as hard as I might try! (Although it occasionally provides me with the perception of rest … this is good too.)

The video (attached below) contains one of my favorite hymns. I became fond of the hymn when I was sixteen and struggling to understand the tragic deaths of so many friends. The phrase I remember repeating at that time was, “… even if it is by my fingertips, cling to my faith in Christ and the promises of shelter and rescue in Scripture. ” This hymn became a reminder and hope.

Thank you to so many who continue to post comments and write notes of encouragement. I cannot adequately express how meaningful they have been. Because of my health I haven’t responded as quickly (or at all) to your notes. Know they are not taken for granted and have been a huge gift.