Apparently it has been almost one month since I last posted to this blog. It’s been an eventful time. Here’s a taste of what has been “going-on” recently, and in the not-so-recent past. (Just in case you might think it is … this list is not meant to be exhaustive.) :-)

  • I started back to work after my leave of absence on April 28th
  • I continue to learn about caring and training my new puppy dog (and walking him twice a day – almost two hours!)
  • I’ve lost almost 25 lbs.! (Whoo hooo! I’ve still got a ways to go but we’re on a good track. One of the antidepressant medications i began taking last year caused me to gain around 30 lbs. within a very short period of time. Taking it off hasn’t been as easy!)
  • Began (and continue to) adjust to various transitions in relationships and responsibilities at work.
  • Continued seeing Dianne (my counselor) at least once a week
  • Played
  • Became addicted to Paperback Swap.
  • Continued to monitor and increase or change various medications for depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
  • Began to rebuild relationships and share about the last months and years.
  • Said good-bye to a dear co-worker who returned to his home and ministry in Tanzania.
  • Added another new “hobby” (a.k.a. “acceptable addiction”): collecting Fenton Milk Glass and vintage/antique cake plates.
  • Laughed
  • Pretended like I had money to spend.
  • Met new friends in the neighborhood.
  • Hoped
  • Celebrated several birthdays.
  • Enjoyed the visit of a dear college friend.
  • Cried
  • Savored casual and spontaneous time(s) with friends.
  • And the list goes on.

I can’t say it has been easy because, frankly, it hasn’t. Many days have been great but there have been, and are are, moments and days that take my breath away. In fact, I sent the following text to several friends tonight. (The message was in response to a text I received from a friend who recognized a “shift” tonight)

… Sending this [text] to a few of you as I walk Charlie so that I don’t hide. (Which is habit!) Nevermind that I’m walking alone and distracted [by the texting] at night. Shhhh … don’t tell Mom! :-)

Thanks for the reminder. ["Remember ur not superwoman, that God takes great delight in you & ur appreciated! Rest well & enjoy your walk! Ps. 4:8"] Trying to learn that. Taking steps backward the last couple of weeks. Yep … I am weak and the opinions and thoughts of others are often held higher than, or as an alternate to, God’s. Wish I feared God more and man less.

I felt very defeated and inept tonight. Nothing huge happened … just the culmination of much. I actually reverted to older “escape and flea” thoughts as I drove home. Makes me sad and insecure in everything learned recently.

Sleep deep my friend(s)! Love, Christy

Today began well and ended poorly.  This is a little discouraging.  Yet I also realize that I have taken new steps tonight so that I remain available and vulnerable with friends. I am handling this differently. The tears are for a purpose. They fit the situation and I am not hiding.  I do, however, need to take time for introspection and internal processing.

I have missed writing and the opportunity it has given me to think about life, God, experiences, faith, work, reality and where/how these intersect.  I have also missed simply sharing my story and hearing from others. I plan to be more consistent!  (Just remember those mice and men!)

This journey is not easy and we were not promised it would.

I am thankful for family and friends who
encourage
challenge
love,
and accept me.
I see Christ in them.
May I be the same.