Update (March 25, 2008):
I was re-reading my posts last night and was surprised at some of the language I used in the post below. I was tempted to edit it to sound more diplomatic or kind. I decided not to because I realized the emotions were real and valid. One of the “lessons” I’m trying to learn at the moment is to express my emotion, not just internally, but to others … to allow them to join in the full expression of joy, pain, sadness, etc. I taught myself a long time ago to temper my outward emotion in order to protect others, or so I thought!
I’m not angry anymore … not sure if I ever was. Don’t really know what word to use to describe my thoughts. I said in the original email that my plan was to wait for Dad to tell me the news before addressing it. My twin brother, however, needed to address the issue with Dad. He stated that if he didn’t he would feel the silence would “invalidate our childhood”. I can respect that … especially because we have wonderful memories.
Dad did send me an email following up on Jason’s questions. He explained his perspective and reasoning behind the silence. I still don’t know how to process most of it. Frankly, it has been easier to ignore the situation that delve into my thoughts and feelings. This will likely change!!
Dad and I spoke a week or so ago about my leave of absence. I am hopeful that I am beginning a new stage of life that will see healing, not only personally but within our family.
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So … I got a bit of strange news today. My dad remarried. Now that is expected. In fact, I’ve been surprised that I haven’t heard the announcement at any point in the last four years. The surprises are:
1.) Dad remarried in February of 2007
2.) He hasn’t told me yet.
Relationships … nothing easy about them. Takes a lot of work in fact. A lot of risk. Pain even. But the security that love can provide is invaluable. It’s something I hold dear and am learning to rest in. However, deceit should have no place in any relationship.
I made the comment to Dad at the very beginning of this family saga that our relationship would never be the same but it could grow and re-form into something new. However, at that time, I stated that it would also be impossible without honesty. Four years later and deceit continues to weave its filthy web in this “relationship”.
What’s a daughter to do? Nothing yet. I will wait for Dad to make the announcement and pray that God will give me grace and words to speak.
I don’t write this post out of disrespect for my dad but out of a need to write. To share about this day and the continuing impact of a choice made four years ago. May we all be careful to protect our relationships. They’re pretty fragile but worth the effort.
What’s a woman to learn? To risk in relationships for the sake of truth and honesty. Easier said than done in some circumstances? … You bet.
I am grateful for a faith that provides me hope beyond today (and tomorrow)! 
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into
an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in
heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power
until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.“
~ 1 Peter 1:3-5
